adapted from �Toxic Faith / Faith that Hurts, Faith that Heals� by Arterburn & Felton

by Steve Cadman MSW

.com US$ Toxic Faith

.co.uk GBP Toxic Faith: Experiencing Healing Over Painful Spiritual Abuse

Explanation of Amazon links & Shipping rates is near bottom of this page

    In this article we will break spiritual abuse down a bit further, looking at the spiritually abusive system in terms of rules & characteristics.  Since we are all prone to sin & error, understanding this can aid us in staying on track or bringing us back into balance.

Rules of a Harmful Faith System

    Rules form the distinct character or culture of the organization & are there to maintain the system & keep members in line. Rules are periodically changed at the whim of the leader.

1. Control : The leader must be in control of every aspect at all times. They must have the final say in every decision, & there is little ability for others to think independently. The more one tries to control, the less likely they will be able to maintain a clear vision of the larger issues of balance & focus. We should instead give control to God daily.

2. Blame : When problems arise, find a guilty party to blame immediately. The leader won�t be forced to step down or obtain special help for adultery, but will be allowed to instead become more determined than ever to fight Satan. The woman will be labeled a seductress. The congregation will be blamed for burning the leader out. By denying & avoiding personal responsibility, the leader can avoid the reality of needed inner changes.

3. Perfectionism : Don�t make mistakes. They are taught they are an elite system. The priority is avoiding failure, ridicule & criticism, so they can find acceptance, love & belonging. They repress their humanness. A mistake equals fearing faith isn�t strong enough. The motivation is to work harder to compensate for the lack of faith that produced the mistake. To maintain the delusion, they must remove from the system, those who mess up. This expulsion process motivates others to measure up. It is product oriented rather than God oriented. They fear disappointing God.

4. Delusion : Never point out the reality of a situation. They don�t want to know how things are, but rather how they should be. Everyone works together to create the illusion that it�s the way it should be. To talk of reality is to commit organizational suicide. A messenger with bad news is often identified as the source of the problem. If someone has to break the bad news, they have to figure out how to best present the facts. The leader refuses to acknowledge that it is almost impossible to inform him, without being punished for it.

5. Perpetual Cheerfulness : They have pasted on smiles as if all is well. Never express your feelings unless they are positive. Never reveal what would make the leader feel uncomfortable. The leader wants only affirmation. They don�t care about people, how they feel, or what their needs are. They care only about their own feelings. Every problem is wiped away with a quick �Praise the Lord�. People with problems are considered outcasts & ostracized accordingly. They believe the myth that the truly faithful are free of problems. Problems indicate lack of faith & weakness. They want to live in a world fixed by great sermons or quick prayers.

6. Blind Loyalty : Don�t ask questions, especially if they are tough ones. Tough questions reveal doubts & lack of fruit, & are considered as resistance to the organization. Questions are viewed as a personal affront & threat to perpetrators. If people want to move up in the system, they must not ask questions when things don�t add up or make sense. The truth is nearly impossible to locate. The big picture is seen as too complex for the common members. Financial expenditures are seen as beyond the understanding of followers. The leader believes ministry should revolve around him. You have no place in the system if you suggest it should revolve around people�s needs.

7. Conformity : Don�t do anything outside your role. Don�t deviate from your role, or else you are rebellious or unstable. The leader doesn�t want individualism, he wants predictability & conformity. Don�t rock the boat or do it differently, we know what�s best for you, just play it safe & do what we tell you. All are guidelines for acceptance. Rejection results if they don�t behave according to the norm. There is shaming from the top to intimidate back into submission : �you�re selfish, in rebellion, a sower of discord, not committed, not in God�s will, not fulfilling God�s call for your life, you need to learn to be obedient, or learn submission to authority�.

8. Mistrust : Don�t trust anyone. Only the leader can be trusted to prepare for the future. People are unable to rely on anyone but the leader. Each is disconnected from the others & depends only on the leader. It is so the system maintains allegiance to the leader. No one but the leader should be able to interpret or direct what�s going on. Everyone else is unaware of the changes until the leader explains them. The leader changes the rules or perceptions to meet his needs.

9. Avarice : Nothing is more important than giving money to the organization. Jesus often talked about money because it is such a clear indicator of what is within a person�s heart & what they are like. Harmful faith organizations do not see it as an act of worship, but as a means of funding. Nothing is more important than the organization�s continuation. Desperate cries for money are sure signs of depending on manipulation, not on faith in God.

    These leaders don�t care about people, they care about their empires & their egos. People are seen as sources of funds to keep the organization going, rather than individuals worthy of service from the organization. They waste money, overextend the resources & then expect you to make up the difference.

10. Spotless Image : At all costs keep up the image of the organization or the family. There is denial of everyone�s humanity. The image of the god-like leader is the foundation of the organization�s growth. They are presented as having a level of perfection that others cannot obtain. They are perceived as the ultimate mate, able to resolve the crises of marriage with godly wisdom no one else could have had. For every problem the leader must appear sacrificial, loving & serving beyond what most people are capable. They will not admit to problems or ask for forgiveness.

    Without an image of perfection, reality sets in, & people stop supporting. Perception becomes reality, & image the key to continued support. The leader�s job is to fool as many as possible into believing that image is reality.

Characteristics of a Harmful Faith System

    In this system people become obsessive, victimize family members, & destroy their own faith in God. They are busy looking for a deeper teaching, not a closer walk. It has some good, right-on bible teachings, but it also has even more interpretive twists, false teachings, & power-abusive leaders. These characteristics allow the individuals stuck in the system to play out their distinct roles in a predictable manner

1. Special Claims about character, abilities, or knowledge : They set themselves apart from others so they feel more motivated to serve.

        The Claim of a special anointing or calling : Abusive leaders claim or infer that it�s only for certain people. They have a pathological need to be valued or esteemed, & usurp God�s authority. They thrive on it & build a self serving ego. It establishes one person�s authority above & beyond any earthly accountability. Followers end up focusing more on the addicted leader than on God, & thereby lose contact with God. When this happens, religion serves the person instead of the person serving God.

        The Claim of special Powers from God : Abusive leaders need to feel valued as a great person of God, & have to prove they have a favored position with God. Some faith healers work to establish their credibility.

2. Dictatorial & Authoritarian Leader : There is no room for compromise & these leaders are free from accountability. They pick elders who are easily manipulated or fooled & act as a rubber stamp. These elders become co-conspirators. The leader justifies things by saying the Board made the decision. It is an illusion of accountability. Negative comments are seen as threats that cannot be handled so they are eliminated, so the ministry can survive & the mission be accomplished.

    Everything revolves around the vision of the leader & their name is all over the ministry. Others� talents & abilities are used to meet the needs of the authoritarian leader. His needs come first & must be met for the ministry to continue. His egotism revolves around a fear of being unimportant & inadequate.

    The leader has a driven personality & the more that others (religious addicts) accept his teachings (dependency), the more license he takes. He is a dogmatic general & his family must fall in line, be seen & not heard, & no one is allowed to express any needs or desires. For everybody else, anger is a sin. They are an omnipotent overseer waiting to punish mistakes.

3. An �Us vs. Them� mentality :  Religious addicts are at war with the world, to protect their terrain & establish themselves as godly people who can�t be compared to others. Raging against evils is equated with being on fire for God. There is no middle ground. They are above & apart from others, & are self-righteous. They stress their church�s uniqueness, superiority, special knowledge, ritual or practice. They claim a new level of life & are building an exclusive society & empire. Everything involves furthering this society & it�s rules. It's rules govern & control every aspect of life.

    This is to keep people from deserting the organization. They cease to react & operate like human beings, & have no real compassion. This system loses it�s focus on God.

4. Punitive in Nature : Rather than offer hope, the leader sets difficult hoops that destroy others' personalities. He goes to great lengths to ensure the congregation pays the price to follow. These leaders take it upon themselves to inflict punishment on all who doubt their integrity. The leader, addicted to power, punishes & purges of anyone who would upset the status quo. Everyone ends up believing God is tough to follow. Jesus, however, did not provide a punitive system. With compassion, He just told others to go & sin no more.

5. Overwhelming Service : They are demanded to sign up & sacrifice their family & friends. Activity is central. They are caught up in doing things rather than serving God. It is compulsive workaholism. They serve their ego as they seek greater notoriety within the system�s hierarchy. Activity takes precedence & dries the souls. They become drained, distorted, & numb. They fall away, or burn out.

6. Followers in Pain : Many are physically ill, emotionally distraught, & spiritually dead. The more they try to be perfect (performance oriented) the more they fail to measure up. It highlights their inadequacies & hopelessness. They feel if they could get sin under control & out of their life, then they would be loved & accepted by God. They hide their real feelings, which are suppressed to maintain the image of perfection. Pain surfaces as despair & physical illness as its not easy living in an unreal world. Some numb their feelings with over-eating in a vicious cycle of addiction.

7. Closed Communication : Those on the inside no longer care about the needs of those on the outside. Communication is from the top down or from the inside out. Information is valid only if comes from the top. It isn�t a two way interaction.. The leader is unapproachable. He has selective hearing & responds only to things he perceives as important, not to what doesn�t fit what he already believes. He does not take the time, as others� views are insignificant. He values only his own words.

    The organization eventually becomes ineffective because it loses touch with the people. It has someone there to close off the communication for the leader, to placate those who disagree, & satisfy those who want a direct voice to the leader. They run interference & know they are never to tell the leader anything other than what is desired to be heard.

    This system discounts the importance of each individual. In contrast, open communication values process, where people are heard & feel heard & treated as equals.

8. Legalism : The system is based on don�ts. Rules reinforce addiction, indoctrinate, & lead to conformity. What you do is valued more than who you are. There is no room for individuality, which is squelched. Kids rebel by the droves, & are considered outcasts who are of little importance, compared to the few willing to stay inside.

    Rules are distortions of God�s intent, & leave Him out of the relationship. When standards become the main focus, faith grows rigid & legalistic. It results in robotic duplicates who don�t discover who they are.

9. No Objective Accountability : These leaders proclaim they are so tied into God that they don�t need to be tied into people. They claim they are accountable only to God. They are little generals who avoid accountability. Their belief that no one on the outside understands, cuts off all others, & they do as they please. It is a sign of faith in self, built on self-assertion & ego. It is a person out of control. He believes he is on a mission from God. He defines God on his terms, creates a religion around his needs, & makes others accountable to a false god of religion created in his image.

10. Labeling : Labeling is used to discount & destroy anyone who would dare to question a perceived truth, or oppose the beliefs of the religious addict. They are disqualified so the underlying issues that need to be considered can be avoided. The potential to find the truth in the opposing argument is destroyed.

    The insecure leader avoids anyone disagreeing with him. They choose not to address someone individually who has doubted. They demand defiance from others against this person.

    Labels become rallying points around which to squelch revolt. It is to form sides & maintain the troops. The purpose is to separate & divide. No one wants to follow or be associated with a narrow minded (rebellious, undermining, argumentative, etc.) person. They are eliminated as a competent opponent. The others fall in line.

    Once labeled, others forget they are dealing with a person. It dehumanizes, so dismissing is easier. The system cannot tolerate difference, so they are no longer a person with feelings & intellect. Rumor & innuendo are used to kill a reputation, so others are more likely to go along. They are shamed, demeaned & disqualified.

    The persecution will stop only when they refuse to be victimized.

    In Part VI in the next article we will look at a number of the unhealthy beliefs of harmful faith systems.

    Books & 80 pages of seminar notes on �Spiritual Abuse� can be found in the Resources/Books/Spiritual Abuse section of this website.

Other articles by Steve & Heidi Cadman-Neu