adapted from �Toxic Faith / Faith that Hurts, Faith that Heals� by Arterburn & Felton

by Steve Cadman MSW

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    In this article we will try to sift through a number of dysfunctional beliefs that result in people being out of balance & often relationally isolated from the majority who don�t think in these ways, & are therefore more susceptible to spiritual abuse.

1. Conditional Love : Some focus on their behavior rather than on God�s love. They try to earn God�s love & end up with perfectionism where nothing is good enough. As a result they turn to a faith in self, & depend on performance. They operate under the belief that God is looking for a few good people.

2. Instant Peace : Some believe that when tragedy strikes, true believers should have a real peace about it. This leads to denial, unresolved emotions, & a complete split from reality. What they have is shock, which is a natural initial reaction to protect us by denying the depth of the pain. The stages of grief begin with denial, & this conjured peace is a form of that denial.

    True peace is only on the other side of resolving the rage that comes with every lost expectation. People need time to resolve emotions, & instant peace delays & prolongs the time it takes to adjust & move on. Scripture says to be thankful in everything but this is not instant. This comes after we completely accept all aspects of the condition & how it will alter our future.

3. Guaranteed Healing : Faith teachers who believe perfect health is attainable for all, teach unbiblical dogmatism which leaves many sick & disabled persons nearly shipwrecked in their faith. They want to be God, or partly God, able to change events to meet their pleasures. They believe that if only they had more faith, they could direct the hand of God. When this doesn�t happen, guilt & anger can come between people & God, & many begin to feel like second class citizens.

    We cannot faith it into a divine intervention that God knows might lead us away from Him, rather than towards Him. God cannot be predicted or controlled with our prayers. This is presumption, not faith.

4. Irreproachable Clergy : Some believe that all church leaders are men & women of God who can be trusted, & can be the ultimate authority on every area of life. Unfortunately, leaders are real people with real problems, & are not superhuman or immune to temptations. All must be seen as imperfect & flawed. God needs leaders who face life�s problems & grow from them.

    People under a defective leader often come to believe that God is defective. They also often attribute all the negative of that leader to all people of faith. Each time a leader�s ego, greed, power or lust causes problems, it should strengthen our faith in God by leading us to take our eyes off other people.

5. Monetary Rewards : Some believe that material blessings are a sign of spiritual strength. This is a reflection of our materialistic society & how it measures people. Those who have much want us to believe this. The comforts of wealth often rob people of dependency on God. God will not bless someone with something that would mar their relationship with Him. They should examine the lives of the truly faithful who have been living in poverty & inconvenience so they can serve others.

    Greater faith often brings an end to financial wealth. For some reason God often tempers believers in the fires of loss & poverty. When all you have left is God, you get as much of God as you possibly can.

6. Investment Tithing : Some believe the more money you give God, the more money He will give to you. Fund raisers will say this as they try to manipulate you for their gain, & the establishment of their empires. God is not a financial investment opportunity. He isn�t a good bet to place your money on. When people use it as a ransom for future blessings, they might as well throw it in a wishing well.

    Tithing was not a scheme for wealth accumulation. It was a sacrifice to show love & dedication. The key in giving is the motive. Do you give to honor God, or to get something? Those who give will probably find that their money goes further, that they are more satisfied with what they have, the worry factor is reduced, & they are better able to relax & believe that God would meet all their needs. They do not become wealthy though.

    If the motivation is for money then they have chosen their master. Money will master the heart & rob the greedy of any relationship with God. No one has ever been able to serve two masters at once.

7. Salvation by Works : It is the belief that we can work or earn our way to heaven. It is attempting to make up for, & bribe God. It is a drive of perfectionism to be & look good.

    They try to clean up the outside so it looks spotless but the inside is dirty. Harmful faith will drive them into a frenzy of activity, exhaustion & depression. It�s depressing to believe the one thing you have to do to get into heaven, is the one thing you cannot do.

8. Spiteful God : Some believe that all problems in one�s life result from some particular sin. People�s grief is compounded by insensitive remarks about this. Many believe God is too busy to be involved with people, but He has plenty of time for discipline & destruction. This belief will drive us further from God. In John 9:1-7 Jesus said that no one�s sins had caused this man�s blindness.

    We cannot rule out though, that some problems directly result from certain sins. God has given us freedom to make choices, so we will get burned if we play with fire. Pain is often a result of sin but not necessarily a punishment for it. God does not zap us each time we choose to sin, but by sinning we may in effect be zapping ourselves. Problems result from poor decisions & we must deal with those problems. It is better to focus on how God can use the problem to build our faith & that of others.

9. Slavery of the Faithful : It is the belief that we must not stop meeting others� needs. They live for everyone else, taking no time for themselves. For them life is one miserable sacrifice after another. They can end up spending 90% of their adult life as a caregiver.

    This role frequently produces anger, depression & resentment of God & family, & a late nervous breakdown (depression) is a likely outcome. It is the basis of the codependency movement. People who thought they were helping out of love, were actually doing it because they knew of no other way to exist. They become so wrapped up in everyone else that they lose who they are.

    It is healthy for all of us to recognize that we have some basic needs that must be met. Self sacrifice is part of the Christian life, but carried to an extreme it can become a compulsive act rather than an act of compassion. What good does it do to meet others� needs if that produces so much anger in you that you cannot relate to them in a loving manner.

    God wants our needs met too, so we need to self-assess to determine if some of our own needs have been neglected, that could cause major problems later on. When our emotional or spiritual needs are not met, those areas shut down, & the longer they go unmet the greater the problems that arise.

    Jesus desires a place of rest, & time to regain perspective, for all of us. We need to take the time to back away. You cannot feed the poor if you do not eat. Jesus took time to maintain His health (eat, pray, rest, time away from the crowds), even though He came to serve others. There was balance in His life. He could not go on until His own needs were met.

10. Irrational Submission : Some believe we must always submit to authority. God wants us to move out of unethical circumstances, & to make deadly secrets known, including in the workplace with unethical managers. Believers standing up to & protesting the unfaithful laws of governments over the years / decades / centuries has produced needed change.

    We need to place the principle of integrity above the principle of submission. When authority is not well placed & does not respect individuals, it is our responsibility to expose the abuse & be part of the solution. We are to do this even if it means moving into uncomfortable zones, including financial security. To not do this will only allow it to pass to new generations.

    Christ challenged the authorities who had turned their faith away from God & into a practice of following rules developed by men. Christ stood up & told them they were wrong. He tried to produce change & overturn the system.

11. Christian Inequality : Some believe that God uses only spiritual giants. This generation, however, has seen many so-called spiritual giants fall. The myth that if you are in ministry you are always wonderful & dedicated has been shattered. The truth is that God has not called some & the rest are of second-class status. We are all on equal footing.

    Believing that God uses only spiritual giants, leads to many passing ministering on to others they believe are near perfect or specially called. As a result, people become lazy & are not motivated to find a way to further God�s kingdom. They neglect their gifts because they are not as great as others.

    God often uses those who have major flaws, or who have been through a great deal of pain (Moses the stutterer, David the adulterer, etc.). No one is too messed up, & no task is too unimportant to matter to God.  When His chosen people messed up He always found a way back for them. Everyone has some gift granted by God. Jesus said that we need to develop our talents. We probably will never be satisfied or fulfilled if we don�t. Take what God gives you & use it the best you can. Then don�t stop to compare.

12. Passivity : Some believe that having a true faith means waiting for God to help, & doing nothing until He does. This is the foundation for laziness. Some misinterpret waiting on God as rolling over & playing dead. It does not mean turning off the brain. We must use our mind & will to do things within our power & trust God to do those things not in our power. God expects us to use our strengths while we depend on Him to assist us.

    Alcoholic spouses allow drinking to continue instead of taking steps to intervene. They pray instead of exercising the tough side of love & confronting defects that need attention. Parents pray & allow children to grow up being spoiled & immature rather than forcing them to take responsibility for themselves. We only enable our children�s negative behaviors or our spouse�s unfaithfulness, by only praying about it.

    We also should not sit idly by waiting for a job to magically appear. We must take action. God wants us to act beyond our comfort zones. These painful times make us more reliant on God, in acting on things that would be easier to delay.

13. Biblical Exclusivity : Some believe if it�s not in the bible, it isn�t relevant. The battle between religion & psychology has been waged here for years. The bible is not a manual to do brain surgery. It is na�ve to believe that every fact needed to survive is contained in scripture. We must figure out some things for ourselves. We do, however, need to make sure things line up with biblical truth.

    Some leaders seem to be threatened by anything outside their field. They want to play physician, counselor & parent to the flock & want nothing to do with anything that might challenge their authority.

14. Heavenly Matchmaking : Some believe God will find & deliver to them the perfect mate, & that they could never be happy with anyone else. Hurtful faith always has an element of quick fix & once-and-for-all thinking. When this doesn�t happen or abuse or divorce results, many feel anger to God that He let them down & took away their perfect mate. Depression often results.

    Their faith gets shaken & a new reality about God crashes in on them. It causes tremendous heartache as they expected marriage to be instant bliss. The na�ve then tend to move to a belief in an impersonal God who probably doesn�t care about them. They go from one extreme to another.

    We need to make informed decisions & not rely on blind faith. God gave us free wills so we are not robots programmed to make right choices. God wants us to use our ability to reason & use our minds so we can discover aspects that could be problems later. God can & does, however, continue to work in our lives no matter what foolish or unwise decisions we make.

    Courtship is no time to overlook the obvious. Premarital counseling & the opinions of friends & family can help. Marriage requires realistic thinking & hard work. We must realize there will be flaws in our mates, so it�s not horrifying because they�re unexpected. Marriages are never made in heaven, they are developed on earth by two committed partners.

15. Pollyanna Perspective : Some believe that everything that happens to us is good & is an immediate blessing. They rationalize that a positive attitude must be used to face every crisis. When someone is dying of cancer, they demand others be happy & claim it as a great & good victory provided by God.

    Can a person in touch with reality be grateful in times of crisis. Is it a real test of faith to be able to greet each new piece of bad news with a big grin & trite expression. It�s evidence of unreal people manufacturing an unreal response.

    They try to short-circuit the grieving process by declaring everything is good & sent from God. They deny how they really feel & delay dealing with the pain. It is an addictive habit that produces quick relief, by avoiding & blocking reality.

    This type of thinking makes people question whether God is a cruel joker who inflicts pain & expects us to be happy about it. God allows bad things, but He does not cause them. He does use each crisis for our good. He makes each a faith building experience. He will work everything together for our good if we let Him. It is not instant though.

16. Bullet-Proof Faith : Some believe a strong faith will protect them from problems & pain. This belief is used to manipulatively bring people to Christ. Rather than seek Christ, they seek relief. Then they become nonbelievers when evidence of lack of protection & the hard facts about life manifest. They were never true believers to begin with. Many lives have been ruined because of this teaching. Their disappointments in God increase their pain.

    Bad things happen to good people & it has nothing to do with degrees of faith. Those who walked with Christ were beset by pain, poverty, tragedy, poor health, beatings & other problems.

    The practice of faith does not add up to brownie points of protection. It does not automatically bring God�s intervention. Faith provides perspective, endurance & purpose through tough times. Let God use your pain to bring you closer to Him.

17. Vindictive God : Some believe God hates sinners, is angry with them, & wants to punish them. They fear a God out of control who might make them the next target. This produces fear & anxiety & prevents a personal relationship. Some do not accept a real God because they fear Him too much so they write him off as a myth.

    Sin may produce dire consequences that should not be mistaken for God�s anger. God has created an ordered world with cause & effect. In essence we punish ourselves so often, God may rarely have to. People mess themselves up because they are irresponsible & then blame a vindictive God who is supposedly evoking wrath. Guilt becomes an excuse to stay stuck in pain & disappointment & not move on.

    It is used as an excuse to condemn people. Jesus did not want the woman caught in adultery stoned. He took the occasion to challenge the accusers to look at themselves. He didn�t lecture her, try to make her feel bad or try to convince her of anything. His compassion was the convicting element.

    God's loving discipline comes when we veer away from His will & He moves to bring us back. He disciplines out of a love that is tough enough to stop the progression of irresponsibility. It is always for our own good & provides opportunities for growth.  It is hard to differentiate between problems we cause & problems that come as God�s discipline. Perhaps for the most part God simply uses the consequences of our own poor decisions to discipline us. No one knows for sure how much of each are in motion.

18. Impersonal God : Some believe God is too big to care about us, rather than being the One who can make life bearable.

    He will reveal Himself to each of us if we allow Him. Over the years people can refer either to many coincidences or to numerous times when God moved to intervene personally. God tries to make Himself known through meeting personal needs. We search the universe for God & all the while He is with us, in love with each of us.

19. Divinely Ordained Happiness : Some believe that more than anything else, God wants us to be happy. In our society everything is acceptable as long as it makes a person happy. The search for happiness always ends in ruin, as it is a meaningless pursuit. It is temporary & based on our circumstances. The heroin addict is able to be instantly happy.

    God�s primary goal is not for us to be happy. He wants more than just happiness for us. God sees the bigger picture & knows that pain is only temporary. Pain can be a great motivator to draw closer to God. With God, circumstances are much less important than perspective. Perspective allows us to accept that each painful moment matures us to be able to handle greater pain, & also develops wisdom from the experience.

    Trusting in & growing closer to God through adverse circumstances will allow the pain to be transformed into joy, which is a deeper, richer experience than happiness. Joy requires teamwork with God. Happiness is always fleeting, whereas joy grows over time. When we stop seeking happiness & start seeking God, lasting joy comforts & sustains us. When we search for something more meaningful, happiness develops as a by-product.

    In Part VII in the next article we will look at some examples of spiritual abuse in headship, healing, finances, family, children & sexual abuse.

    Books & 80 pages of seminar notes on �Spiritual Abuse� can be found in the Resources/Books/Spiritual Abuse section of this website.

Other articles by Steve & Heidi Cadman-Neu