Articles 09/03 

Spiritual Abuse : What it is, Signs & Components (Part 4)

adapted from �The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse� by VanVonderen & Johnson

by Steve Cadman MSW

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    In this article we will begin to look at identifying a number of the very human, dysfunctional emotional & relational dynamics that get played out in spiritual abuse. Being able to tease out & recognize these signs & components will help to recognize when one is involved in an impending or gradually escalating spiritually abusive system.

What is Spiritual Abuse

    Somehow the good news has become the bad news. It is a subtle trap in which the ones who perpetrate spiritual abuse are just as trapped. It is the mistreatment of others, where power is used to bolster the position or needs of a leader, without regard for others� well-being or spiritual empowerment.

Some of the signs or components of Spiritual Abuse

1. The Power Dynamic gets played upon. A leader�s words have great weight when someone makes themselves vulnerable, & assumes the leader is healthier & more knowledgeable than they are.

2. The focus gets subtly changed from being someone�s emotions or state of feelings (hurt, anger, depression, etc.), to being the person or their state of being. They become labeled a rebel who needs to live up to a standard. Their spiritual position before God is being questioned.

3. It is unacceptable to question an authority who considers themselves above questioning, perhaps even above error. The fact you question a leader should not make you wrong. Some leaders interpret their position of authority to mean their thoughts & opinions are supreme. A person�s only right response would be to agree. People are to neglect their needs in favor of the needs of authority.

4. Legalism replaces rest in God, with demands for spiritual performance. It is a form of religious perfectionism that focuses on careful performance & avoidance of certain behaviors. Gal.6:12-13 talks of those making a good showing in the flesh, who desire you to as well so they may boast in your flesh. Your performing will make these leaders look good & gain them validation; their self righteousness will escape the scrutiny of the cross as the only means; & it will allow them to examine you instead of themselves. Be on guard not only against leaders & systems that throw their weight around, but also against subtle formulas & doctrines used to press into conformity with the system instead of to Christ.

Identifying the Abusive System

    When power is postured, religious performance legislated, & those who notice the problem become the problem, beware. There are a number of dynamics that create walls around abusive systems & make it difficult to get out. It is common for people to move from one abusive system to another because they miss the signals or talk themselves out of seeing the same dynamics.

1. Power Posturing : Abusive leaders spend a lot of time focused on their own authority, & reminding others about how much everyone is supposed to submit to it. They insist people treat what they say as if Christ Himself had said it.

2. Performance Orientation : Where performance is legislated, obedience & submission are two important words that will be used. Leadership will sometimes evaluate others performance & then decide for them what enough is. People end up feeling they must adhere to their formula or brand of Christianity, so they won�t become like those out there who don�t think like us, or else we�ll be letting God down. Church attendance can become equated with obedience to Christ. People will obey to avoid being shamed, to gain approval, keep their status & earn points.

    When people are preoccupied with whether they�ve done enough to please God, then they will not be looking at God but at their own works, & also be concerned who else might be looking at & evaluating them. They will be keeping track of it, with an eye toward reward. This is compliant self seeking not true obedience. In Rom.12:2 Paul says do not be conformed & squeezed from the outside in.

3. Unspoken Rules : The people�s lives are controlled by rules. You often don�t find out they�re there till you break them. We must never disagree with the leader or you will never be trusted & never be allowed to minister. Your loyalty will be suspect. When you break rules unintentionally, you will get neglected, ignored, overlooked, shunned or questioned. If you disagree publicly you will be openly censured, punished, asked to leave, or in extreme cases cursed. Silence becomes the fortress wall of protection, shielding the leader�s power position from scrutiny or challenge.

    The �can�t talk� rule is the most powerful rule. The real problem cannot be exposed. If you speak about the problem out loud, you are the problem. You must be silenced or eliminated. People will be told, �If you hadn�t made such a big deal, everything would still be fine; we didn�t have all these problems till you started stirring things up; you were angry & didn�t confront in a loving way so it proves��

    Another rule is that it is better to be nice than to be honest. Eph.4:25 says to lay aside falsehood & speak truth to each other. Not even scripture is as powerful as the unwritten rules.

    A pretend peace exists. Jeremiah cries out, �the prophets say peace, peace when there is none.� Pretending unites us even though we don�t agree. Any topic should be open for discussion & we should be able to agree to disagree on some points, while continuing an open dialogue

    The perpetrator will never be held accountable, & the victim will have to freeze up the pain & anger. It is impossible for wounds to be healed & abuse will one day escalate.

4. Lack of Balance : There will be an unbalanced approach to living out the truth of the Christian life.

    Extreme Objectivism : It is an empirical approach to life which elevates objective truth to the exclusion of valid subjective experience. An example would be suspecting or denying the Holy Spirit on a practical level, which is unscriptural. Authority becomes based on the level of education & intellectual capacity alone, rather than on intimacy with God. It limits God to act only in those ways that we can explain, prove or experience. It puts God in a box, as if understanding & memorizing scripture is the only way to hear from God. We become relegated to songs of how God used to do things.

    Extreme Subjectivism : Truth is based on feelings & experiences. People can�t understand truths until the leader receives them by revelation & imparts them. It is more important to act according to the word of a leader who has �a word� for you, than what you know is true from scripture or from your growth history.

    They view education as bad or unnecessary. There is almost a pride in not being educated, & a disdain for those who are. Beware of those who put a spiritual premium on being educated only at certain schools.

5. Paranoia : It is assumed that we are more enlightened than others, & that they won�t understand unless they become one of us. �Evil, unspiritual people on the outside are trying to ridicule, persecute or destroy us.� This mentality builds a bunker around the abusive system, isolates abusers from scrutiny & accountability, & makes it more difficult for people to leave because they will then be outsiders too.

    People are misled to believe that the only safety is in the system. �We must be getting really close to what God wants us to do because Satan has renewed his attack on us through outsiders & the evil secular media.� They focus on an external enemy to keep from answering legitimate questions.

    Keeping People Wounded : Paranoia prevents people from getting the help they need. In Rom.13:3 Paul does not tell us to hide from a problem. Leaders cover up child abuse because of distrusting the evil, secular, social service system. Rom. 13:4 points out  that God uses the legal system as �an avenger who brings wrath upon the one who practices evil�. These abusive systems also avoid Alcoholics Anonymous & other self help groups

6. Misplaced Loyalty : One Christian organization makes it�s youth workers sign a �loyalty statement� where they promise not to minister to youth in that area for a period of years, if they ever leave that organization. Whose kingdom are they building? Because authority is assumed or legislated, & therefore not real, then following must be legislated as well. A system is set up where disagreement is the same thing as disobeying God, & questioning is equal to questioning God, because the leader is authority & authority is always right. This misplaced loyalty creates a wall around the system.

    A few of the methods of calling forth misplaced loyalty are :

    We Alone are Right : Members must remain in the system if they want to be safe, be on good terms with God, & not be viewed as wrong or backslidden. They are told that we can teach you all that you need to know, & do it better than other places, because we know more than they do. If others learn elsewhere anyway, they are punished with silent treatment or their new insights are ridiculed. We need to be able to go where God tells us without it being ascribed as disloyalty or lack of spirituality.

    Scare Tactics : Scare tactics are more serious as this is more than just the risk of being polluted by the world. God is going to withdraw His Spirit from you & your family, & destroy your business. Without our protection, Satan will get your children, & you & your family will be under a curse. This is spiritual blackmail.

    Humiliation : The third method of calling forth misplaced loyalty is by publicly shaming, exposing, or threatening to remove people from the group. Fear of this insulates those in authority. As a result people stay shut up, then are eventually driven away because they end up isolated & spiritually starved. When they leave saying this is abusive, they are often asked to come back. This is so confusing that some people actually go back.

7. Secretive : When you sense this, watch out, because people don�t hide what is appropriate. They become so image conscious they have to hide what is real, because they can�t live up to their own performance standards. They feel they must do this to protect God�s good name. In this system, leadership will have a condescending view of the church members & believe that they are not mature enough to handle the truth. It is patronizing at best.

    The people will tend to form conspiracies behind closed doors or on the phone, since it�s not OK to notice or talk about problems openly. They will spend more time solving the problems behind closed doors, than ministering to people in need. Building God�s true kingdom is put on hold.

Conclusion

    It is a closed system with rigid boundaries. There will be a perception of a lot of evil on the outside, to keep people in. There will be power posturing on the inside, to compel people to conform. There will be tired, wounded people who feel they are either unspiritual or crazy, & they will have major problems relating to God from the heart. They can wind up totally ill-equipped for life. When they leave they may be blown around like dry leaves, or easily drawn into other abusive systems.

    In Part V in the next article, we will look at the rules & characteristics of  a harmful faith system.

    Books & 80 pages of seminar notes on �Spiritual Abuse� can be found in the Resources/Books/Spiritual Abuse section of this website.

Other articles by Steve & Heidi Cadman-Neu