articles Depression Reactive, working it through : unprocessed hurt, anger & loss (part2)

Reactive Depression

We offer a professional counseling / counselling framework for working through reactive or exogenous depression. This involves facing and dealing with the hidden unresolved hurt, pain, loss and anger that are the cause of reactive mood disorders. In the article below we will give information on and answers to the question of what depression is. We will also outline the types of, signs of, symptoms of, effects of, and stages of depression, and how to fight and beat this depressive mental health illness rather than just settling for coping with it throughout one's life.

Medical remedies for and treatments of / for depression, and counseling / therapy for and emotional / relationship cures for depression, will be looked at below. Help and support are available, as there are stress reduction relievers both medically and through counseling. Beck's inventory, index and scales is a good questionnaire to fill out in order to get a sense of whether one has mild, clinical, major, or severe depression. Treating, overcoming, recovery, and curing reactive depression through counseling is fairly straight forward and uncomplicated.

Phone counseling / counselling, Online audio / video, email or LiveType Chat Instant Messaging etherapy sessions are available for working through issues as an alternative to the standard Office appointments we also offer (see Online & Phone Counseling).

In our Resources section we have a number of links, books, articles, essays & seminar notes that may be of help as a supplement to counseling.

Articles 05/02

Working through Depression (Part 2)

by Steve Cadman MSW

This article is a continuation of "Part 1" from last month.

What used to be called "reactive" depression can also result from the loss of a loved one, a limb, ability, job, career, dream for one's life, etc. The essence of the dynamic is still largely the same process of "stuffing" our anger. Who do we express our anger to ? God, or the person who abandoned us by dying, etc.? It may not be logical but our feelings still have a life of their own that needs to be faced, expressed and worked through. Read the secular books "Understanding Grief, Helping yourself Heal" and "Healing the Bereaved Child" by Alan D. Wolfelt.

If entered into and stayed with until the end, we will find that God has rather broad shoulders and if we ask Him for His help when we express our anger to and at Him, He will help us work this through, not smack us. He is a better, more patient Father than the best human father we can think of. Just remember that any thought or feeling that does not have a sense of gentleness and peace about it is not God (it may still be something we don't like hearing), because it always has to fit with and match His character.

The process for coming out of the "reactive" component of depression is the exact reverse of the process into it. Hurts and anger need to be faced, and relationship patterns need to be reversed and worked through with others. This unfortunately is not as easy as just taking this knowledge and doing it. Counseling / Counselling is only minutely an information or knowledge process. The core of counseling / counselling is better seen as a coaching process in which the counselor / counsellor helps with blind spots, rose coloured glasses, and an ongoing refinement of the attempts to apply this in relationships. It should not be expected that this is easy or that those we are in relationship with will just go happily along with these changes. Others will tend to defend themselves from our hurt and anger, not welcome it or our rocking the boat. Counseling / Counselling support is therefore often very necessary to help inch one's way out of old patterns and into new ones.

For Christians it is important to see that Jesus expressed anger, as did God in the Old Testament. Scripture says "be angry and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger" (Eph. 4:26). It is clear that anger in itself is not a sin. We are to "be slow to anger" (James 1:19) though, and are not to let it slide into judgment, unforgiveness, resentment, bitterness, rage or hate, which it will easily do if not worked through.

It is also important to realize that forgiveness and trust are two separate issues, not one and the same. God commands us to forgive others, but He doesn't tell us we have to again trust those we have forgiven. This would be very unwise in many cases. Trust is earned. God does not call us to ignore or forget the facts, just to forgive them. Scripture in fact says that "Jesus was not entrusting Himself to them, for He knew all men" (John 2:24). Read the Christian books "Boundaries" and "Safe People" by Cloud & Townsend.

Scripture also says that we are to love our neighbour "as" ourselves, not "instead" of ourselves. We can only care about others to the extent that we care about ourselves (and our own hurts and feelings). Becoming a doormat as a way of avoiding the difficulty of working out our hurts and angers with others, is not God's way. Jesus in fact said to go to others who have an issue with us (Matt. 5:23-24), or with whom we have an issue (Matt. 18:15-17), and work issues and offenses out with the help of third, fourth and fifth parties if necessary.

God's call to turn the other cheek is also not the same as being a doormat. You only need to look at how Jesus lived His life out to see that this is not so. Jesus confronted others on many uncomfortable and unpopular issues and expressed anger (He called some people hypocrites, snakes and vipers, etc.). May God give us the wisdom to interpret scripture in the light of how Jesus and the apostles actually lived it out.

Before you're tempted to start feeling unspiritual about being depressed, consider the company you're keeping : Jonah and Elijah to name two (both prophets & Elijah was one of two chosen to stand on the Mount of Transfiguration with Jesus). Read through the Psalms if you want to find some more very spiritual people who have had to work through depression. How about Job in his indirect murmuring and complaints to and at God. Or consider that Joseph would surely have had to work through some depression during his decades in an Egyptian prison. Or Moses after he fled and spent 40 years on the backside of a desert after God didn't miraculously support his self-directed, failed attempt to be the deliverer of His people (by killing an Egyptian). Or Peter after denying Jesus 3 times (he went back to fishing). The list goes on. Take a long look at the bible and they'll start jumping out at you. It's a very human learning curve that we're all subject to.

Be careful to not try to be so spiritual that you deny your very real hurts and anger, and try to rise above it by faith rather than working it through. It won't work. If we have faith and are trusting God, we will eventually be led by Him to face and work through these things with Him and with others, not avoid or go around them. The amazing thing is that God doesn't call us to know Him by transcending our humanness (as eastern mysticism tries to do), but rather, intimately in our humanness; Christ in you, the hope of glory (Col. 1:27).

books on depression

inventories on depression

Other articles by Steve & Heidi Cadman-Neu

Context of our Value Base

Our counseling services are available to both Christians & non-Christians alike (as per our Mission Statement), & for both we integrate our spirituality only to the degree that people request & are comfortable with. We are respectful of others being in somewhat different places than we are in the life journeys we walk out, & are also aware that many have been hurt or offended religiously by others in their past.

We do not try to force our Christian value base or beliefs on others, although it can at times affect what goals we feel comfortable about being able to work on with others, because there are a handful of moral & spiritual issues where we will not be comfortable in counseling contrary to our beliefs. These issues generally do not tend to come up in most people's counseling though.

We come from a spiritual, biblical perspective so when requested we also function as pastoral counselors / counsellors in addition to being professional counselors, marriage & family therapists. We are very comfortable with prayer & the inclusion of scripture where this is requested & desired, yet even then it will be integrated only to the degree that people are comfortable with.

Who we are : MSW 30+ years counseling experience

Please feel free to book Online & Phone counseling appointments as an alternative to our Office appointments