adapted from �The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse" by Johnson & VonVonderen

by Steve Cadman MSW

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    Leaders in spiritually abusive systems foster loyalty with implied or overt scare tactics & threats. Leaving the system is equal to leaving God & His protection. Paranoia about the evils outside the system makes people afraid to leave.

    There are many types of bait to attract people to the system. Right standing with God is one. The abusive system gives people the opportunity to earn God�s approval with their own positive self-effort. Other baits include : the approval of people; religious status or position; a pay-cheque; the promise that things will improve; or an opportunity to be shamed & mistreated in a way that is consistent with their sense of deserving to be punished for being so �bad�.

    It is so appealing that people fail to notice several things. They learn to ignore others around them who point out that they are being neglected or mistreated. They also overlook it when they grow more tired as time goes on. They ignore the fact that people close to them are leaving & urging them to leave. They are oblivious to how it is becoming easier to justify the things that not too long ago they abhorred. They ignore or overlook the fact that their goal keeps moving out of reach.

    The bait draws people deeper & deeper into the system (like a carrot on a stick with a donkey). If they want to stop struggling a voice within warns �if you give up now, just when you were about to have a spiritual breakthrough��. So they cannot stop. This introduces �equity rescuing� where if I quit now, I�ve wasted the past 10 years, so I�ll stay for another year. The problem is that in a year they will have another year�s equity to rescue, so it�s harder to leave than before.

    More serious abuse occurs, so they keep setting up one more boundary that they won�t let it go beyond. It keeps moving farther & farther from healthy & normal, one step at a time. Most victims assess their present situation only by comparing it to the last adjustment. Compared to all they have invested, this latest violation just isn�t that big of a compromise. They don�t compare it to normal, so they can�t see how many unhealthy adjustments they have made.

    It is hard to walk away from relationships, even if they are hurtful or abusive. It would be like losing all of our relational equity.

    Victims of spiritual abuse end up with distorted pictures of God & self, have difficulty trusting those in authority, & have problems understanding & accepting grace. They also feel alone & crazy because they�ve had so much pressure to not talk about their experience.

Victims of Spiritual Abuse Struggle in these Areas

    Or God becomes demanding & fickle, & they have to work hard just to keep up. God becomes like a fickle baby whose mood is manipulated by the slightest mistake. He is never satisfied, keeps setting higher goals, & is eager for them to see how much they�ve missed the mark. God is mean & vindictive, pointing out, punishing & humiliating them for their failures. They soon believe God is an unfair judge who keeps moving the finish line in this horrible road race.

    They have a distorted emphasis, so they end up having a number of wrong beliefs about God : �God doesn�t even notice; God is apathetic & does nothing to help; God is powerless to help; God is utterly holy & flees to the farthest corner of the universe because they�ve broken His heart.�

    They believe that our place in heaven (our hierarchical position close to or far from God) is determined by how many good works we�ve done (like being careful whether we�ve been naughty or nice for Santa Claus).

    They have a tendency towards extremes of self righteousness (superiority, judgmentalism, perfectionism of things being just so), or shame accompanied by anxiety about external circumstances, & an urge to control what people do & how things turn out.

    Or they have learned to be over-responsible, a burden bearer. Everyone�s issues are theirs to solve. If they don�t do it who will? They are responsible for how everyone else�s & God�s day goes. They have a greater sense of God needing them, than of them needing God. Their job is to live just right so God can feel pleased at the end of the day.

    They cannot say no. They martyr themselves, believing that having needs or opinions is selfish, immature & being over-sensitive. Going without is a prime virtue. Feeling numb to life is the end result.

    A college education is often looked down upon, or they believe only one or two colleges are OK. They often only work somewhere in the original system or one like it. Or they are often forced to take low-paying jobs, even though they are college educated.

    Their real need is to develop maturity, strength, the ability to make wise decisions, & to grow in dependence upon God as their source on the inside.

    They use denial or numbness to short-circuit the excruciating pain, because they refuse to believe that abuse is happening to them. Because they use repression, there is no recollection. The abuse is beyond their capacity to consciously process, so they get extremely agitated or afraid when talk approaches these experiences. It is like an emotional negative programming. They eventually experience shame & a sense of defectiveness for having allowed this to happen to them.

    In Part IX in the next article we will look at what often dove-tails as �the fit� in recurrent victims of spiritual abuse, �religious addiction�.

    Books & 80 pages of seminar notes on �Spiritual Abuse� can be found in the Resources/Books/Spiritual Abuse section of this website.

Other articles by Steve & Heidi Cadman-Neu