adapted from : �Toxic Faith / Faith that hurts, Faith that heals� by Arterburn & Felton , & �The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse� by Johnson & VanVonderen

by Steve Cadman MSW

.com US$ Toxic Faith

                 The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse

.co.uk GBP Toxic Faith: Experiencing Healing Over Painful Spiritual Abuse

                     The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse

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The �Fit� between Spiritually Abusive systems & the Abused

    Religious Addiction is when religion, not a relationship with God, controls a person�s life. People from dysfunctional families, those with unrealistic expectations, or those out for their own gain or comfort, seem especially prone to it. They use religious addiction to avoid reality & responsibility. It provides a distraction through compulsive churchaholism or religious ritual. It is an excuse to put off dealing with pain in life, & wait instead for God to do what He is waiting for them to do for themselves.

    Those who are religiously addicted concoct a god or faith that serves self rather than honors God. It is a counterfeit where a replacement is found for God. How they look becomes more important than who God is. Acts of religion replace steps of growth. The fa�ade is substituted for a heart longing to know God, & forms a barrier between them & God.

    At some point the religiously addicted cross the line in their ability to see what is happening to them. This is called delusion, & is the end result of conscious forms of denial. Delusion is the distorted perception of reality, a totally unrealistic view of what is real. Conscious denial has to exist in a spiritual abuse situation in order to convince others that everything is fine, & also to fix blame away from the person or system. Delusion is one of the main components in the learned powerlessness of the victim. It is a warp in the thinking process that filters out or twists information coming in from the outside. It is probably the most significant factor in keeping the victim trapped in the abusive system.

    As denial turns to delusion, addicts lose sight of how the addiction is hurting them & how their own life is affecting others. Friends offer warnings but to no avail. They employ their unhealthy relationship skills �for God�, rather than taking the painful course of receiving help to change them. They can rescue people from the consequences of their behaviors & be a hero. They can exercise personal power & opinions & call it God. They deny what they see, how they feel, how tired they are, & the problems they have, & call it spiritual.

    There are laws to protect the vulnerable (children, the disabled & aged) from being abused, but not for protecting adults who have a sense of learned powerlessness. Somewhere in their life, their power was stolen from them, or they have not learned the skills needed to not be victimized.

    Shame based relationships either prepare people to be abused, or don�t prepare them to not be abused. There is a belief that you are so weak & defective, that you are nothing without this relationship.

    Shame based foundations undermine relational honesty, hinder a maturing relationship with God, foster dependence upon those in power, and build systems where appearance is more important than reality.

    Abusers are made not born, as 85% of abusers & 30% of victims grew up in abusive homes.

    For some it is the need to avoid the tough reality of our high stress society. For others it is a retreat from dealing with the reality of a painful childhood, or the loss of a loved one. Unwilling to process the pain, they hide behind walls of denial built with stones of work, activity, trying harder, shame & perfectionism. Breaking through their denial becomes extremely difficult as they invest more of their identity into their poisonous ideas.

    Some instead try to earn God�s love & favor through Him noticing their dedication. They are driven to feel extreme guilt if they don�t sacrifice family, friends & themselves in service of the church. It becomes an addiction that traps them in painful obsessions & compulsions.

    Still others use their harmful faith as a way to avoid the realities of life. They expect God to work miracles at their beck & call like a genie or personal magician. Rather than face up to painful things they pray & let mishap happen. They expect God to do for them what He is waiting for them to do for themselves.

    They are not really looking for God, they are searching for relief & a means to avoid the pain they need to face. They live in a fantasy world of quick fixes & easy solutions. They grow weak in their ability to cope. Looking for the religious high, they are similar to addicts searching frantically for the next fix.

    It leads to an ungodly passivity that leaves them doing nothing unless �God has spoken� with personal direction; an addiction to compulsive work & striving to please God; giving to buy God�s favor; a cop-out or way to avoid dealing with tough life situations; something ugly & void of a loving God, harmful to them & to those who are near. Rather than being detached from material gain, self importance & the urge to dominate others, many promote their own importance, material gain & right to oppress others.

    Some of the common characteristics of those who succumb to religious addiction are: having had rigid parents, experiences of disappointment, low self worth, & having been victims of abuse.

    They are driven by guilt & a desire to earn favor from God so that one day God will look down & change reality for them. They hope He will relieve their pain or make life magically more easy for them than for others. Their earn as you go mentality places their future in the hands of their ability to achieve, accomplish & sacrifice.

    In Part X in the next article we will look at the definitions of addiction, emotional addiction & religious addiction, & also address the components & idolatry of Religious Addiction as it relates to Spiritual Abuse.

    Books & 80 pages of seminar notes on �Spiritual Abuse� can be found in the Resources/Books/Spiritual Abuse section of this website.

Other articles by Steve & Heidi Cadman-Neu