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    Addiction is when a person is excessively devoted to something or surrenders compulsively & habitually to it, where they would sacrifice family, job, economic security, & sanity. It is when all else is sacrificed for something, & it becomes the central part of a person�s life. It happens when someone seeks relief from pain, a quick fix, or an immediate altered mood.

    The addicted become devoted to the source of mood alteration, & by giving up everything for that change in feelings, come to worship the addictive act. The addiction is allowed to flourish because of it�s ability to alter reality in small or large doses. The addict has little self worth & forms faulty perceptions of God & the world in general. Mood alteration allows the false perceptions to somehow make sense, & feel less of a burden. They will come to rely on this mood alteration as a translator of reality or an insulator from it. All addictions are used to change reality into a more tolerable form. All result in disillusionment & isolation.

    Some people are addicted to negative emotions which are easier to manage than other more painful or difficult emotions. Retreating into sadness & depression can become more tolerable than anger & rage, which are thereby masked. They retreat into less negative feelings in an attempt to cope.

    For example, it�s not ladylike to be angry, which would risk the wrath or perceived loss of love & attention. To be pleasing to a power greater than themselves they sacrifice their anger. Without their anger, they cannot muster the courage to address their God. Their anger did not go away, but remained deep & hidden, often manifesting in depression, irritability, & a nothing is right, complaining mentality. They become addicted to their misery because it allows them to forget about or postpone dealing with anger. It allows for pain to be deferred.

    Some Christians believe anger is a sin, & that we must be completely loving & forgiving at all times. This is a distortion of how Christianity & reality are to be joined. Jesus expressed anger over the unwholesome faith activities of misled religious people.

    Some realize they have been misused, taken advantage of & abused by church leadership, but are unable to express anger, instead rationalizing that God would deal with the abusers, so they hang in & say nothing. The result of not expressing anger is becoming more depressed, bitter, & resentful. Often it is rationalized that it is not OK to get angry with those in authority or that all persecution is ordained by God.

    If they express anger they would have to take responsibility for the shame connected & bound with their anger from childhood experiences of feeling unacceptable. This connection causes them to be dysfunctional in relationship with God, themselves & others.

    This religious addiction provides an illusionary relationship to God & a false sense of acceptance for playing the role of miserable martyr in the hurtful system. Without anger we are unable to cleanse the temple of God & maintain it�s sanctity, nor can we get the violating people out of our lives. Without anger, we are relegated to playing the role of enabler & victim. Those who deny the presence of anger can be vulnerable to manipulation & exploitation, & become powerless to stand for what is right or act in self-defense.

    In our society big boys don�t cry. As a result men often stumble through life without understanding, & out of touch with their feelings. That which cannot be processed is repressed. When we don�t feel safe acknowledging our feelings, anger becomes an adrenaline rush to retreat to, to avoid expressing hurt feelings. The payoff is not just that we avoid looking weak, but we also feel differently because of the chemicals (adrenaline) pumped through our bodies. This lack of grieving is a poison to our existence. We are unable to move on without the needless baggage of building negative feelings, which will need to be compensated for & replaced with emotions that are less threatening to express.

    The macho, aggressive , American male image is a defense against life, vulnerability, control & ridicule. Many men are driven to perform to gain other�s respect. Many times what is seen as giftedness or �anointing� is simply an overcompensation. Many, driven to power by their anger, are full of feelings, unfelt until a crisis or breakdown brings them to the surface.

    Jesus was in touch with His feelings & did not deny the depths of what He felt. He did not withhold them for fear that others would no longer follow Him. Others today would probably try to shame Him by saying �where is Your faith, rejoice always, in everything give thanks for this is the will of God, You need to have peace about this�. He would not be living up to their image of a man of God or how easy faith in God is supposed to make life. It would be too threatening to their inner worlds of hidden feelings.

    Emotional addicts are addicted to familiar emotions that make life bearable, appear easier & are the ones their hurtful family tolerated. To be accepted, addicts were forced to find or create a delusional reality that allowed them to avoid what they never learned to handle. They became addicted to pretense & the emotions they relied on to survive. Pushing people around masks the depression inside. We become walking paradoxes of what we feel & what we�re willing to show.

    Religious addicts focus on religion & not on God. Religion engulfs them & they lose themselves to the practice of it. They spend all their time in bible studies, services, outreaches, etc.. It is an escape from the pain of the past. They become more dependant on religion than on God. Their sharing with friends has more to do with their need to be affirmed & accepted than with their love of God. They relish the mood alteration they experience when those around them esteem their ability to teach. They feel valued for what they can do, not who they are.

    They are hooked on the joy of feeling valued.. Religion makes them feel like they are somebody. They alter their mood with their sense of righteousness. The warmth of the other followers melts away the ability to objectively evaluate the experience. The addict becomes lost inside the organization that looks good to most but is actually a wall between the follower & God.

Addictive Components of Religion

    Anything that hides or kills the pain of not being able to process relationships & the conflicts of life will serve well as an addiction. One can become addicted to feelings of righteousness, finally being right about something, prayer, emotional highs from worship & praise, or being part of (belonging to) something exciting or big. These things are addictive only when they become the purpose of the endeavor rather than a by-product. It is harmful & addictive when people lose focus, or when feelings rather than God become the central part of worship.

    For some the Word becomes a god unto itself. Memorization can become an addiction as people become obsessed with verses. It becomes a form of religious intellectualism where someone is so immersed in one aspect of faith that it replaces real faith. The comfort of God is pushed aside by the self-induced comfort of superiority from being able to rattle off verses.

    With religious addicts every relationship turns into a student-teacher dynamic where the person holds themselves above another ready to set them on course. It repulses & alienates. As they build up their image they put God down in the eyes of others who see this. The position of teacher brings a sense of power, prestige & control. It is used to gratify the need for security.

    The religiously addicted become more like what the church wants them to be, or more as they want to be perceived by others The ones who cannot find fulfillment at home with their families attain it at church every time the doors are open. The ones who rise to the top of the organization are provided with feelings of meaning & purpose.

    The emotional & relational characteristics of individuals as they pass through the various stages of religious addiction (Early, Middle, Late : pages 41-43), & the emotional & relational characteristics of the various addictive roles (Persecutor, Co-conspirator, Enabler, Victim, Outcast : pages 43-47) are listed in detail in these linked seminar notes (Word file).

    Books & 80 pages of seminar notes on �Spiritual Abuse� can be found in the Resources/Books/Spiritual Abuse section of this website.

Other articles by Steve & Heidi Cadman-Neu